Once upon a time, shortly after I began puberty, I had the strangest experience. I woke up one morning to find my underwear totally saturated with wetness. I automatically assumed that I had wet the bed, though I had not done that in weeks.

Usually my pee is a thin yellow liquid; not a viscous, milky white fluid like it was on this occasion. I thought something was wrong with me. When my mother came in to my room to tell me breakfast was ready, I told her what had happened. She reassured me that everything was okay, that nothing was wrong with me, and that I had only been visited by the Gravy Goblin.

My mother explained to me that the Gravy Goblin is the distant cousin of the Tooth Fairy. The only difference between the two is that the Tooth Fairy collects teeth, whereas the Gravy Goblin collects pubic hair.

Since the Gravy Goblin is in a lower income bracket than the Tooth Fairy, he cannot afford to leave money behind in return for what he takes, so the Gravy Goblin carries a canteen full of gravy with him on his nocturnal missions.

Once the Gravy Goblin has collected any loose pubic hairs from the bed of the unsuspecting boy, he leaves behind a splash of gravy as a token of his gratitude. His motto is, "It’s the thought that counts."

Having heard this, and from my mother no less, my fears and anxiety were put to rest. As time went on, I would become one of the Gravy Goblin's most preferred clients. The End.